I’m struggling with summer this year.
We’re 21 days into June, and it still doesn’t feel like this season has really started yet.
Every afternoon, a smattering of raindrops streams down my window, and I feel my dreams for a magical summer sliding down beside them. As I sit inside at work, watching these rivers snake their way across the glass, I wonder why my stress levels are rising like the puddles I step into on a regular occurrence these days.
Maybe I’m just a little nostalgic for the way summers once were—for the way I remember them.
When I didn’t wake up before sunrise and crash on the couch at an embarrassingly early hour. When the lights from the lampposts were my nightly reminder to go inside and sprinklers solely existed to be run through instead of simply watering the lawn I need to regularly weed. When lightning bugs lit up mason jars and cloud gazing seemed like a perfectly acceptable way to spend the day.
When everything was magical and happy and, most of all, easy.
But I’m determined not to let this late-blooming summer get the better of me.
Earlier this week, on our way home, my daughter and I decided to ruin our dinner and stopped to get ice cream.
We sat outside on a patio and let the afternoon’s post-storm, humid air create sweat lines down our backs. We brushed our hair off our damp foreheads and dipped our spoons into our cold treats, savoring their sweetness. Later, we ate salad on the couch while we watched a silly show, and then I gave my daughter a little pedicure in the prettiest shade we could find.
As I painted her toenails, I looked up, wondering what Zoey might remember about her summers as a child.
Fortunately – or maybe unfortunately I guess – Zoey doesn’t have summers like I once did. She goes off to summer school as I go to work, and her real summertime exists in the evening hours and on the weekends.
But as we sat there together, me worried if I was really doing everything I could to make this summer one to remember, I watched a smile tug at the corners of her lips. I listened as her giggles filled the space between us. And I felt a familiar feeling bubble up inside me.
It felt easy.
I hope Zoey remembers that night. When mango gelato dripped from her chin as a rainbow appeared above us and the sun began its evening descent. When my fingers tickled her tiny toes as I painted them turquoise blue, the exact same shade of her nightgown. When she curled herself up against me as the ceiling fan whirred above us and the eager crickets chirped outside her window.
I hope she remembers her last words before sleep took her away that night.
“This was the best day of summer ever.”
Even if she doesn’t remember those words, I will.
I will carry her words with me whenever I’m feeling guilty that maybe summers now will never be what I remember. For not being able to give her a summer like those I remember.
Because other than being technical term for this season, what really is summer?
It’s a feeling—one I’m determined to create, for both her and for me, one ruined dinner at a time.
She will no doubt remember these moments! I hope you girls find more memories this summer too! Have an amazing week!
Just keep making the best of it! I’m sure your daughter is loving summer, even if it’s not like it was when we were kids.
I live in Massachusetts and has either been raining or will have 1 or 2 good days so I can totally relate. Were just trying to make the best of it
Good for you for making that time to get ice cream and just be together. Our kids grown up and then they don’t always want to spend that time with us anymore because they have other people in their lives. Hang on to it as long as you can! 🙂
Sometimes the simplest things are the sweetest!
I love this! Summers are always different. I’m sure kids when you grew up had different summers than you, so it’s definitely not just one thing. I think that night sounds perfect and very much “summer.” I like the idea of it being more of a feeling than anything.
-Lauren
http://www.shootingstarsmag.net
We’ve had a pretty wet summer in Michigan too so I know it’s been hard for people to feel the summer spirit. It’s amazing when the sunshine hits and the way everyone’s moods change.
There’s more summer year round between you and that sweet kid than on all the lemonade commercials ever made – combined. You just have to see it. And I think you just did.
Those moments sound like summer to me! Like you said, summer is all about the feeling of summer and you can definitely create that for her. I’d say summer probably feels different to each person. 🙂
It’s been a very wet year so far. I’ve been feeling like summer is almost over and I haven’t been able to do anything summery yet. Wish we could find that pause button!